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He Said, She Said: The Garter Toss


FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 06, 2009
BICOASTAL_BRIDE

Happy Friday! To switch things up a bit, Stephen and I decided to take turns sounding off about the reception classic that is the garter toss. Here's what we both had to say. 

Groom's View by Stephen

To some, the garter toss may seem like a long-standing tradition, but it was never done at any of the weddings I went to as a kid. Because of that, the ritual doesn't have the same significance for me as it does for others. The one time I did see a toss, the garter removal was done in such an over-the-top fashion that it seemed more like a burlesque show than part of a wedding celebration.

The worst part was that when it came to the actual toss, the half-dozen guys made hardly any effort to catch the garter, and were completely disinterested. Compared with the jostling and general excitement during the bouquet toss, the garter toss came across as being awkward and devoid of any enjoyment.

I'm not completely opposed to having a garter toss at our wedding, but I'm also not going to do it simply for the sake of tradition. It needs to mesh with the overall feel of our celebration, and if that can't be done, well, then it isn't worth doing.



Bride's View by Heather

Having seen enough garter tosses where the groom (in many cases after enjoying the open bar just a bit too much) got completely carried away, I've gone back and forth about whether we should include this ritual as part of our wedding reception.

On one hand, the garter toss sounds like a fun tradition I would hate to miss out on. Plus, I know that Stephen is definitely not the type of groom to carry things too far. But, that said, I'm afraid that if we do include it, everyone will expect us to go all-out in a way I'm not comfortable with, especially in front of our families, former professors, and a couple teenage guests.

To keep things sweet and only a little sassy, I envision us playing a cute song, maybe the Beatles' "All You Need Is Love," which is one of our favorites, while Stephen kneels down, kisses my hand, and removes the garter with his fingers, not teeth. After that, he can perform the traditional toss of the belt to all the eligible guys at the party, who, with the right build-up from the DJ, will hopefully show some enthusiasm. It's classy yet simple, and would still let us include the toss as part of our celebration.



Well, those are our thoughts, ladies. What are yours? Do you think we should be more willing to "let loose" during the garter toss, or do you like what I have in mind as a compromise?

(Photo Credits: Garters by Kristi)

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comments

Monday, November 09, 2009
I was torn on this, as well...I'm very traditional so I didn't want to leave anything out, but I'm actually glad we ended up skipping this. There are so many scenarios that were already included- announcing the wedding party, the cake cutting, the bouquet toss, etc. I'm really glad we took this out to leave room for people to just relax, dance and have a good time.
- Guest, Kerry McCullough
Sunday, November 08, 2009

Thanks for all the great thoughts and suggestions, ladies! Glad to know we’re not the only ones unsure how to handle this tradition. As the wedding gets closer, I’ll definitely let you know what we decide to do. :)

Lynn A., I love your bouquet toss idea! It sounds like such a nice way to be more inclusive and avoid any of the awkward feelings New Mexican Bride mentioned in her comments.

Born to be Mrs. Beever, rhondajoel, march-eleven2010 and mwhalen84, we are actually planning to include an anniversary dance to honor the longest-married couple at our reception, so that might be an excellent way to tie in giving away the garter and bouquet, if we decide to skip the actual tosses. Thanks for the ideas!

And MartinKatieWed, I’ve seen the guy who caught the garter put it on the leg of the girl who caught the bouquet before, although they both seemed to feel very awkward while doing it. So, that may be one thing we’ll skip, even if we end up doing bouquet and garter tosses.

Sunday, November 08, 2009
We are not doing the garter toss. My fiance thinks it is disrespectful. I thought it would be funny to put a rubber chicken up my skirt or something but he is uncomfortable with it, BUT, we are doing a changed version of the bouquet toss that I saw somewhere. You invite all ladies to come for the toss. You tell them that whoever catches the bouquet will get a year of happiness or something like that! I thought it would be nice because most of our friends are married and we were all talking about how long if ever it had been since we were able to catch a bouquet.
- Guest, Lynn A.
Friday, November 06, 2009
Only do it if you and your fiance really want to, not because you feel like you have to..it's YOUR day! You can do what you want. The way you described doing it sounds tasteful if you do decide to do it though. We aren't doing it, but only because my fiance isn't American and I don't want to force him to partake in traditions that don't mean anything to him. If I was marrying an American, I'm not sure if I would, I guess I would leave it up to my groom..it's not really something I feel strongly one way or the other about.


Friday, November 06, 2009
MartinKatieWed: Yes, though it is not quite as popular a tradition, I have in fact been to weddings where the DJ/Emcee asks the man who caught the garter to put it on the girl who caught the bouquet...again, sometimes they do it tastefully with hands and sometimes (if the couple who caught the two are ok with it), they use teeth to put it on. :) Again, it's up to the B&G as to how to incorporate these traditions, if at all.
Friday, November 06, 2009
I'm a very traditional person in every sense of the word.... So I couldn't imagine not having the garter or bouquet toss! I agree with you though, it should be done tastefully! As far as other ideas, i read in a magazine, how they had all of the married couples get on the dance floor, and they would say if you've been married 1 year sit down, 5 years, 10 years, and so on, and the last couple on the dance floor would get the bouquet/garter. I like the idea, even if i don't give them the bouquet/garter. I think I will come up with another prize just so we can honor the longest married couple there! :)
Friday, November 06, 2009
Everyone keeps telling me to do the garter toss but I just don't have any interest in it. I did buy a garter though just to wear and surprise my man at the end of the night(hint: it's his favorite football team). I have heard that alot of people are doing a couples dance after the 1st special dances in place if the garter and bouquet toss.
Friday, November 06, 2009
my guy and I have been discussing this too.
We both want to do it but are afraid it may come across as really trashy.. We are getting married on a stage and I don't really want to flash my dad and grandparents. We talked about having my back to the group and he removing it with hands not teeth and then tossing it.. We like Beatles too.. I might borrow your idea..
However, have you ever seen guys put the caught garter on the girl who caught the bouquet? I have never seen that, but my guy says that is what you have to do.


Friday, November 06, 2009
hi! those are also my thoughts about garter toss. actually i don't like it one bit. at my cousins wedding guys were too over wellmed by the garter toss, or should i say taking off of the garter that it simply looked distastefull. with their attitude i doubt that even removing the garter with arms would help. so i think we're going to avoid it.
i guess that when it comes to that decision you should consider your friend's personalities also.
let us know your decision !
good luck :D
Friday, November 06, 2009
Thanks for posting the grooms perspective. Its always nice to hear what the guys have to say. I think it could be fun to do provided that its in a tasteful and not vulgar manner. My concern is how interested the guys will be in the garter toss, and the fact that I don't think we have too many single guys (or girls for that matter) on our list. I guess it's still up in the air... so to speak ;)
Friday, November 06, 2009
I think your version sounds like it will be tasteful if you do decide to do it.

I am shy, I don't like to be the center of attention so to me that is very embarrassing. When I talked to my fiance about it, he does want to do it, but I don't. I guess if we do it similar to your way it would be a bit more comfortable for me rather than the whole teeth thing.

The single people is another issue for me, I hope they actually stand up and do it because there aren't very many single people coming. I know I am always reluctant to stand up because even though I am not "single" they consider me to be because I am not married. Just this past April we were at a wedding and I was forced to jump for the bouquet, which is fine but I guess I assumed if you are with someone you are not single?...

I think it is a cute tradition even if it does get a little risque, but not when I am the one doing it! :) So we'll see what we end up doing.
Friday, November 06, 2009

I may have already posted this on Born to be Mrs. Beever's blog, but...

I don't think we are doing the garter & bouquet toss in the traditional sense. We have so few single guests that I think doing these traditions would just be awkward across the board. Instead, we are planning to do something, like maybe a dance contest for all guests, with these items being the prize.



Friday, November 06, 2009
I think your idea is perfectly fine and sounds like it is suited to the two of you - as it should be. At my sister's wedding there weren't a ton of guys on the floor and a few kept their hands in their pockets...but the direction the garter flew ended up with a couple guys reaching and grabbing for the little beauty...so it was met with some enthusiasm.

At our wedding, my fiance will be raunchy...I am prepared for it because his past life (20's) was filled with women and partying and when it comes to things like this, it's who he is. (sigh) But we are also Christians and I have told him I don't want anything about our wedding to be vulgar...not the music, toasts or garter toss. Though he may get a bit crazy, I know he'll still respect my wishes. My fear is that I don't think we have very many single guys or girls attending our wedding so I don't know that we'll get a huge response. We may play it by ear to see who ends up on the floor and if there is hardly anyone there or interested, we may just do the new thing I've heard about where the B&G simply hand their bouquet and garter to either someone special to them or perhaps the couple that has been married the longest at the event :) Any way it happens, I believe it is fully up to the B&G as far as whether to include it and how.

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about meabout me

Bicoastal_Bride

Bio:

Heather Warren is a busy bride-to-be living in the Washington, D.C.,  area while planning a wedding across the country in her hometown of Thousand Oaks, California. An aspiring writer, Heather has experience in journalism and communications.

She and her fiancé Stephen hope to make their June 2010 wedding fun, unique and (we can dream) stress free! You can also follow Heather on Twitter at @Bicoastal_Bride.



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