Wedding Blog | Wedding Ideas

Learning to Fly

SUNDAY, SEPTEMBER 21, 2008
BRIDEHEART

I recently picked up The Shack after scores of recommendations from friends. Within an hour, my cerebrum escaped our cosy apartment into a landscape of lush forests and into an author's unbashfully forthright conversation with God [depicted as a "She"] about the problem of pain and its relationship to love and freedom.

"Consider our friend over here," she began. "Most birds were created to fly. Being grounded for them is a limitation within their ability to fly, not the other way around...Pain has a way of clipping our wings and keeping us from being able to fly...And if left unresolved for very long, you can almost forget that you were ever created to fly in the first place." (p. 97)

Reading this simple analogy triggered a universe of fear in loving and potentially losing again. Of unleashing 8-year old clippings on my wings. I had forgotten what it means to love without fear of death or anxiety.

After all, if I loved my mother, provider, protector and friend so dearly and couldn't change the circumstances of her death, am I willing to risk again and love this man who could devastate my heart again if he were to die?

Extreme as such thinking may appear to some, it's common, real and rooted in a fear founded on experience that can't be argued away, even by a fiance. It's the question a bride must ask herself prior to vowing "till death do us part" and it's the question she may ask every snowy night that her husband drives in a car, or every time he shows a sign of sickness.

Your thoughts, comments...?

Tags: grief

Comments (1) |

A Day in the Life of a Wedding, and Birthday

TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 02, 2008
BRIDEHEART

For one day in her life the average engaged woman is tranformed into a supermodel for her wedding. A cross between an allstar diva and noble princess. On that day, a slew of cameras and videos, bubbles and confetti, follow her every step. Her hair is perfectly pinned, her face adored.

A little while ago it was my birthday. Another day in the year where I secretly expect the paparazzi to show up and make me feel like I'm the most important person to mother earth. In reality, it's usually not mother earth's snapshot of my life I seek, its my mother's gloating over it that I miss.

The emails came in, phonecalls abounded, my husband's card made me cry from joy. For eight years I had practiced choosing to enjoy this day without my mom recieving the credit for making me happen. The plan for the day was laid out, my favorite comfort foods in the fridge, a slew of social events would keep me busy enough to not really think about it. But this year another curve ball came my way.

My father forgot.

Sometimes it doesn't matter how many people remember, it's hard to get over the one person who seemingly forgets, the one person who's absent. An eternal optimist, this was hard to accept at my wedding. Didn't matter how many cameras were clicking or faces smiling, there was one woman in the world I wanted there more than emotions could express. More than my feelings could contain.

In that moment, and in other life moments, I think about my Creator. I listen to that part of my heart that knows there is more to my existence than biological forces shaping atoms and equalizing ions. When I feel surrounded by people yet empty within, longing for my mother's presence, I think about a verse in the Bible that says "When my father and my mother are turned away from me, then the Lord will be my support." (Psalm 27)

On days like these I miss her and I smile and in my heart I kiss her and I realize, God is with me. I am not alone.

Tags: motherless bride, father, wedding, support

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What's a Motherless Bride To Do

MONDAY, SEPTEMBER 01, 2008
BRIDEHEART

Imagine a noble sparkly-eyed bride, walking down the isle, clinging to a thin cotten childhood comfort blanket patterned with faded cartoon characters. To the bride, this item symbolizes an age of innocence, a feeling of safety, a sense of being surrounded by unconditional love. Down the isle she walks, chiffon dress trailing behind, as she clings to that blanket of hope.

Sure, the moment gets lost by the prospect of gazing into the eyes of the man you love. But still, in the back of one's mind there's a rooted understanding that this wedding is missing an integral figure. Perhaps walking down the isle with a cotton blanket may seem a little out of character, but there are other items brides have used to encapture, and honor the woman who bore them life. Tracy Masington of the site Fresh Bride proposes the following:

Have your florist provide you with a special flower that can be easily slipped into your bouquet. After your arrival at the altar and before anything else happens, a previously designated relative brings your groom this special flower. He then slides it into the center of your bouquet, and the officiant says: On this day, we honor the memory of the bride's beloved mother by adding a specially chosen flower to the bride's bouquet.

Tags: flowers, mother, loss

Comments (2) |

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Learning to Fly

A Day in the Life of a Wedding, and Birthday

What's a Motherless Bride To Do

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