I'm always looking for ways to customize things. I have so many people flying in from far away that I want everything to be really personalized and magical.

After stressing out about how much it would cost to order customer printed things--I was going to go with stamps as Jean Andersen said, but wasn't sure what size I might want and couldn't commit--I stumbled across custom rubber stamps. JACKPOT!

I just realized that smart DIY brides are getting help from Etsy.

Check out this fabulous stamp maker:

Here are the two I want:

This one will be for the covers of programs.

This one for accenting table number cards and other things. I'm sure I'll think of more as I go on.

photocredit: lovetocreatstamps

I am stressed out about the reception menu. My GORGEOUS venue, The Ebell, offers two choices of main dish, then vegetarian. In the contract we selected two of the highest price items (fillet and sea bass) because they looked the best and because we figured if we changed our minds the price could only go down.

The problem is that no one will order the sea bass. I love sea bass, I think it is delicious. It’s like the steak of fish! But my future MIL said that the Irish contingent, for all that they eat fish, don’t normally eat sea bass and so none of them would order that.

It seems really stupid to have a mains choice that only my mom and I like, but I freaking HATE chicken. I mean not really, but I don’t like chicken in banquet settings. No matter how awesome the chef is that chicken is going to be dry and gross.

If it were just up to me I would pick a bunch of fancy, yummy, fusion food dishes. But my soon to be in-laws are not super adventurous eaters and since they’re flying six thousand miles the least I could do is make sure there’s something they'd like to eat.

I had a cute idea. At least I thought it was cute: The two food options would be themed, one Irish, one American/Californian. The Irish choice would be the fillet with roast potatoes and veg. Classic, simple. The California dish would be some yummy fusion thing.

My fiance…not so excited. He kept insisting that his family wasn’t like that, they ate lots of different stuff. Lie. Rice? They hate it. Pasta? Not gonna happen. Ethnic food? Too spicy. He doesn’t want them to come across in a negative way to my people (despite the fact that all the guys I knew would order the fillet anyway) and I have to respect that.

So, I’m at a loss. We need to do the tasting around Thanksgiving since that’s when my fiance is here, but at this point I don't know what we're going to taste!

In this case I'm going to do something I rarely do. I'm going to turn control of this over to someone else. Specifically, the catering/sales manager and chef at The Ebell. This makes me nervous, but these people are experts.

I'll keep you updated on what we decide.

photocredits: personal photos

Saturday my 5th and final bridesmaid tried on the bridesmaid dress that we’d picked. The dress in question is Jim Hjelm Occasions dress 5919.

It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I love the pin tuck straps and the empire waist. This dress is totally different than what I’d first envisioned when the wedding process started. I had been looking at pale patterns or lace. When one of my bridesmaids pulled this one off the rack I was willing to see it on because I’d been disappointed by everything up to this point.

This dress blew us away. We called it the Jane Austen dress.

I loved it so much I decided we should have it in that color (which was also the color of the sample dress.) The inclusion of that color changed and solidified the whole theme of the wedding.

Friday night my MOH had casually mentioned a Vera Wang dress she saw on-line. She mentioned that since they were spending over $200 they should at least get a designer dress. I tried to just ignore this, and the comment was forgotten after a night out on the town.

After bridesmaid #5 tried on the dress, and looked FABULOUS in it, I figured we were home free! All I needed to know was whether the groomsmaids (fiance’s sisters) were going to wear that dress, because we’re ordering them in bulk to get a discount.

Sunday I go out to brunch with bridesmaid #5, and she mentions the Vera Wang dress. The MOH had told her about it and she thought that dress was great. This is the dress in question, in navy.

 The dress is pretty, but the navy color isn’t right at all–it looks black.

I feel almost…betrayed. My MOH knows that I feel really bad about asking them to buy a long, and therefor expensive, dress. Her saying that they should have a designer dress if they are spending that much is like a punch in the stomach. I’m scared that this is the way they all feel. It’s taken a month to get to what I thought was a consensus. I just called my MOH to check to see if the Vera Wang dress above is the one that she meant–it is. And incidentally I’m not convinced it would look great on my MOH.

Now everyone is telling me that they love the first dress, if I like that one that's what they'll get, and I should stop stressing. I wish I could, but I'm now panicking that they all secretly hate this dress but don't want to tell me so.

Image Credits: Jim Hjelm Occasions, Vera Wang (VeraWangWeddings.com)

My mother is one of my best friends, and a wonderful mentor. She’s smart, successful, caring, and has raised one wonderful child (not that I’m biased.)

My brother…well, everyone makes mistakes. (I kid. Mostly.)

A strange thing has happened since I started planning my wedding. My mother, who has been a part of every major life decision I’ve made—from where to go to college to my drastic quitting-my-job-moving-to-England-for-six-months adventure—has fallen silent. She isn’t giving her opinion; she isn’t making suggestions.

Before I became engaged we enjoyed watching wedding shows together and planning my—then imaginary—wedding. She never failed to say what she thought about choices those girls had made, and suggested alternate things. Now that my wedding is a reality I’m having trouble figuring out what she thinks, because she says everything is "nice."

It wasn’t until I picked up a “Guide to the Mother of the Bride” book I got her that I figured out why. The only advice anyone gives MOBs is to “back off.” This book was full of warnings to the mothers to let the bride do what she wants, not to offer too many opinions, and to stay out of the planning. This is the exact opposite of what I want!

I want my mom to be the same Mom she’s been my whole life: bossy, opinioned and demanding. I need someone to offer to help with flowers or dresses. I want her to tell me about the things she wished she’d done at her wedding but couldn’t. I need her help with the ceremony and with managing my future in-laws.

My mom has been scared off be the overabundance of “Mom-zilla” warnings. Well I say, “No more!”

I want my mom back. She’s been helping me run my life for 26 years, why stop now?

Now, I have to figure out how to tell her that.

They say there are things you hear all the time after you get engaged:

• “When’s the wedding?”
• “Who are your bridesmaids?”
• “What are your colors?”

These are all logical questions for someone to ask the bride-to-be. I have had a few people ask me these things, and quite a few people have volunteered to “help” with the cake tasting, but the thing I hear most often is:

“Have you lost your mind?”

What? No. At least, I don’t think so.

I say, “I’m thinking of making the bouquets myself to save money.”

The unanimous response is: “Have you lost your mind?”

I say, “I think I should host a party the day before the wedding for the out of town guests.”

Again, they say, “Have you lost your mind?”

What I realize is that people love the IDEA of DIY bridal, and of all the extras–parties, gift baskets, handmade programs–that brides are encourage to do, but no one thinks YOU should do it. Moms, bridesmaids, even grooms, may think the idea is cute, but they don’t want YOU to be the one to do it. I’m sure they realize that YOU taking on these things may lead to THEM having to help, and they don’t want that.

It may be that my friends and family know that I'm a crazy perfectionist so anything I do has to be done JUST RIGHT, or maybe they think the stress of all the people coming in from overseas is going to take up most of my time.

In the end, no matter what they think, I'm going to take on projects such as hand making the invitations and escort cards, or making the flower girl hair wreath. I'm the bride, I'm allowed. 

And if I get totally stressed and overwhelmed they have to help. That's just how it works! 

I just officially asked my 5th, and final bridesmaid to be in my wedding party the other day. This was ridiculous, since I did it while standing in a dressing room with her so she could try on dresses. For the second time.

I wish I’d taken a picture of the bags I did, but I didn’t think of it.

For each of my bridesmaids I bought a cute gift bag that looked like a purse and in it I put:

• Champagne glass tied with white ribbon
• Notebook with custom wedding-themed cover
• Photo album
• Makeup bag, customized to say “Emmy’s Bridesmaid”
• Soap from England (where I was living for the past 6 months)
• Shower puff

The most important thing was a handmade card. I made it by sandwiching graduated sized cards–stamped with wedding images–inside eachother. In the big card I wrote a long note to each girl about how much they mean to me. The innermost card said “Will you be my Bridesmaid?”

One of my bridesmaids is a veteran, this will be her 6th or 7th wedding in two years, and I'm intimidated by that. A bit sad that the bridesmaid knows more than me, but I'm the bride, and that trumps all, right?

Emmy