Did we miss the memo that the minute you get engaged, you are supposed to transform into Bride Barbie?

When I got engaged, I told myself I wasn't going to use Bridelines as a soapbox, but we think this is a necessary topic and hope it is well-received by other brides-to-be. Since I got engaged only 3 weeks ago, multiple people (not that I'm counting) have said to me "You are not being a good bride" or "You are not very enthusiastic" or "You are not bridey enough."

Anyone whose ever planned a wedding, or any big event for that matter, knows it's not all smiles and champagne toasts. Weddings require lots of planning, organization and usually come with a bit (or a ton) of stress.

While perusing through pictures of floral arrangements may be a delightful way to avoid concentrating on your job, it becomes less delightful when your fiancé who has never uttered an opinion since you've known him is now demanding peach roses.

Thinking about lying on a beach chair in your hut in Bora Bora while someone serves you pina coladas sounds wonderful, but creating an Excel sheet of your budget, while calling a travel agent six times a day as you simultaneously compare prices on Expedia doesn't sound quite as wonderful.

Think about those random run-ins you have with someone from high school - when they ask how you are and what you've been up to and you respond with overly fake, cheerful answers. We are all capable of acting cheery, enthusiastic and fake. After all, this is how we get jobs and have conversation on first dates, however, the difference is - those people don't know anything about you and those conversations last 2-40 minutes.

So...you're Katherine Heigel in "27 Dresses." You are (or were) everyone's best friend. Throughout your life you kept in touch with your elementary school friends, high school friends, camp friends, sorority sisters, co-workers, kickball teammates, and you have a few sisters and some close cousins. When all your friends and family got married (going back as far as 10 years), you were the go-t0-girl. These friends NEEDED you try to hundred of dresses, walk down the aisle and hold their dress up while they peed. Before we get to the dilemma, we applaud you for your patience and dedication to your friends.

However, it's finally your wedding (yay) and as you sit down to think about who you will ask to be your bridesmaids, you realize that:
1. you have way too many and it will be very uneven with your fiancés
2. you have way too many and 14 girls doing the matchy-matchy thing is tacky
3. you have way to many and a lot of these girls are no longer your close friends (or maybe you were never that close)

What do you do when you don't want to ask someone to be a bridesmaid, but you have already stood up in their wedding?

 
This is not an easy situation because ultimately someone's feelings may get hurt. However, you know the personalities of each girl and you know who will be offended and who will understand. We think that if one of the girls who made you a bridesmaid still thinks you are best friends (even if you never were) and she will be very hurt if you do not ask her, its best for your own sanity to ask her to be your bridesmaid. She will be honored and probably be really helpful and appreciative. As you learn at a young age, sometimes it's easier to do what is best for other people even though this wedding is about you and the choice of bridesmaids should be yours and only yours.
But...really...are there decisions that are ever really only yours?

On the other hand, there are those friends who known you've grown apart and when you stood up for them your lives were in different places. Maybe she was a work friend and now you don't work in that office or maybe she was a sorority sister who got married right after college and now that she's moved away, you only speak once every few months. These are the types of girls who will likely understand that you are not as close anymore and they will appreciate just being invited to the wedding and watching you walk down the aisle.

Overall Thoughts... Be sensitive to your friend's feelings and not because it is the "nice friend" thing to do, but because sometimes when you do what you want (even when you are allowed to be selfish), it causes drama, tears and you'll end up having to deal with more stress than you would otherwise. If you really feel strongly about not asking someone, stick to your guns and although the friend might not be so happy on the offset, in the long run...if she's a caring and mature friend...she should understand.

Cocktail hour is the most anticipated culinary component of the wedding. From the sushi bar to the meat carving station, your guests will be canvassing the room in search of those infamous baby lamb chops. For most guests, cocktail hour is the only time in the evening where the focus is on the food. By the time the party gets started everyone is happily distracted by the band, the toasts and inevitably the alcohol. Usually, the sit down meal is forgettable and what leaves a lasting impression are the creative pass around hors d'oeuvres that began the evening.

Kobe Beef Sliders, Ahi Tuna crisps and Scallops Wrapped in Bacon are some recent favorites.

As you plan your extravagant and tasty cocktail hour remember these four words:

PIGS IN A BLANKET

No matter how elegant an affair, no matter how ritzy the venue, pigs in a blanket are an all time winner. You can even dress them up in a black tie outfit and call it Sausage Wrapped in Phyllo.

There is one key and one key alone to a successful cocktail hour.

HAVE ENOUGH FOOD

A cocktail hour with too little food is like Thanksgiving dinner without enough turkey. There is nothing worse than watching your friends and family fight over the last shrimp on the platter or seeing the disappointed look in your guests' eyes as they get to the sushi bar to find a lone cucumber roll sitting on the otherwise empty bamboo boat.

In closing we cannot to forget to mention the aspect that gives this hour its moniker. Cocktails are the stars of the night...so start off strong (pun intended). It's always a good idea to have glasses of champagne and popular martini combinations served by waiters as guests arrive. That way they don't have to rush right over to the bar. However, many people will make a beeline for the bar, so make sure there are enough bartenders and bar locations in the room. No one wants to wait for a drink at a wedding like they do at their local dive bar.

Unfortunately as the bride you probably won't get to taste any of the food, especially at cocktail hour when you are busy introducing yourself as Mrs. for the first time. Your guests on the other hand will be hungry and great food and drinks will set the tone for a wonderful evening. Take the time to plan a great kickoff to the wedding, besides if it's really a party, it will be the only hour of the night that some people will remember...

Break out the fireworks and bikinis!

As we get ready for the 4th of July festivities, Bridelines wonders...holiday weekend weddings: a great way to have extra time to celebrate or a guarantee that your friends will be angry at you for ruining their beach getaway?

The ongoing debate about holiday weekend weddings (especially in the summer) will likely never be solved. For the bride and groom it's a chance to have out of town guests relax and arrive with time to spare, for the guests it's decidedly more of a conundrum. Some people are delighted to receive an invitation especially for a destination wedding over a holiday weekend; others cringe at the thought of having to take one of their few designated work holidays to celebrate anything other than not having to go to the office. Unfortunately, for the bride, the majority of our readers identify with the latter.


If you are one of the brides who decided to have a Memorial Day, Independence Day, or Labor Day weekend wedding, you are probably aware that your guests will have mixed emotions.

Think about how you would react to having to trade in margaritas by the pool and flip flops for fancy toasts and high heels. As we recommend for any bride, be considerate! The holiday weekend bride needs to be even more so. If you are having a destination wedding, your guests will still get to enjoy the weekend away and as a bonus get to attend a great party. If you are having your wedding on the Saturday or Sunday of the weekend, do not expect your friends to attend multiple other events (rehearsal dinners, brunches, etc).
Also, keep in mind that things tend to be more expensive around holidays. Try to keep costs down in other areas, because there is no doubt that guests will be spending more money (and time sitting in traffic) to attend your big day. We are not condemning holiday weekend brides, only a gentle reminder to be aware that having to go to a holiday weekend wedding for some is like having to work on Labor Day. It just feels wrong.

Keep in mind, this weekend is Independence Day.....a celebration of liberation and freedom....does wearing Spanx and catering to the bride really fit in with the theme? We leave it to you to decide!

Even before you were engaged chances are you and your soon to be fiancé had conversations (maybe many conversations) about what your wedding would be like. Most likely you even previously drafted a tentative guest list on some scrap piece of paper on one drunken evening. When it comes to weddings, we all know size DOES matter. Big, small, in between? Whatever your expectations were, we can guarantee that by the time you have integrated your list with your parents and in-laws it will be significantly longer than you anticipated. When you initially thought you would invite the girl who sits in the cubicle next to you at work, you were wrong. When you thought of course you would invite your hairdresser, again you were wrong. When you’re finance was certain he was inviting the guy he rides on the train with every morning…he too was wrong. These are the concessions you make because you instead will have to invite Mr. & Mrs. Goldfarb (a colleague of your father’s that you've never met) and your third cousin Sandy who you last saw at your own Christening. How do you logically cut the list down to make room for the people you want to invite, without hurting anyone’s feelings or alienating family members? Here are a few pointers. To make a large cut, eliminate an entire group of people. For instance….your friend’s parents. Even though you have known a lot of these people for years….if you invite some you have to invite all. This is an easy way to cut twenty to thirty people off of your list at one time (and unless you still see them frequently, they will understand). Another easy fix is to eliminate the 'plus one'. Yes some of your friends will be offended to not be invited with a date, but considering you are paying per plate you do not have to pay for some guy that your friend hooked up with once two years ago to eat filet mignon. Here is a rule of thumb to consider: If you have not seen, spoken to or received an email from someone in more than a year....you do not need to invite them to your wedding. If all else fails, elope! Just think of all the money you'll save....and you know you've always secretly wanted to be married by Elvis in Vegas anyway!

As we go through various life events we are given rules how to best approach each situation. We are told the simple recipes for getting a date, landing a job, losing weight. We are told from a young age that if we follow these rules we are doing the "right" thing.
However, there are no rules for wedding events and what is right and wrong usually depends on the brides hormones

Brides have asked...

"My friend is having an out-of-town shower, do I have to attend?"
"The bachelorette party is really expensive, do I have to go?"
"My friend is having 2 engagement parties, do I have to attend both?"

While we cannot say that our opinions are the end all of bridal opinions (although we'd like to think they are), we will give you our best advice. If you are a bridesmaid, you are expected to conform to certain bridesmaid standards, i.e. attending events, pretending to be really excited for every single of them, being emotionally and mentally supportive of bridal decisions and creating an artistic hat made out of wrapping paper.

However, the economy is awful and many people are out of jobs. We don't all live in the same states. We think brides need to understand that their friends love them and want to attend everything, but sometimes it's just unrealistic and too expensive. Please do not get mad at your friends for not attending things-if they have a good reason. The wedding is a must...but maybe the only must. If your bridesmaids are flying in for a wedding and attending a bachelorette party, they should get a pass on the shower. Brides, we know you want your friends there, so maybe they can be there via Skype.

Bachelorette parties are usually more fun than showers (sorry moms), so if your bridesmaids are choosing one, we suggest choosing the bach party. However, people who aren't in your wedding party should feel NO obligation to spend the money to attend. We can all agree that large groups of girls are loud and overwhelming and these events usually go over better when you don't invite every female on your guest list.

Friends, a cute thing to do is to send something to the event if you cannot attend. Send a bottle of champagne to the bachelorette dinner. Send flowers to the bridal shower. It will only take 10 minutes out of your life, and will make the bride really happy and show her that you are thinking about her during these special moments.

Moral of the story is...there is no "right" thing to do. High expectations only cause let-downs. Brides, don't start fights with your friends...you've got enough fighting to do with your fiancé over invitations and with your mother-in-law over flowers.

Everyone has their own opinion of proper wedding protocol, so use your best judgment. If you know the bride really wants you to attend her bachelorette party, try and find a way. If you can't...you can't.

Have you had a relationship with a bridesmaid dress that is more tumultuous than Heidi and Spencer's faux marriage? We know there are lots of women who curse the day bridesmaid dresses were invented, so Bridelines has some tips for brides on how to choose dresses that won't make your bridesmaids regret answering the inevitable question "Will you be my bridesmaid?"

As your friends are trying to be sensitive to you and your every whim, remember that when it comes to the dress, being sensitive to their needs will ensure that they will be more than willing to cater to your bridal wants.

Simplicity is really the key to a successful bridesmaid dress. A simple dress will fit many body types and can be altered more easily than some high fashion runway piece. While the backless silk shantung gown may look great on the mannequin, it may not look as stunning on your friend who's boobs don't exactly stand up like Pamela Anderson's. Be bra friendly!

Why make your friends have to spend additional money on undergarments, when you can just find a simple dress that fits. We know that with modern technology we have witnessed the invasion of multiple kinds of under armor which claim to smooth, tighten and enhance. But how many of you have tried one of those contraptions on with a dress only to find out that the seams show, the bulges just move to another place or the push up doesn't quite make you look like Heidi Klum?

Take a look at your bridesmaids. If there bodies look more like a fruit basket than a bunch of bananas, consider the option of different styles of the same dress. Among bridesmaids surveyed, most said that having options is the best thing a bride can choose to do. This way, your friend who hates the way she looks in strapless dresses can wear a halter version and your friend who just had a baby can choose an a-line version that doesn't hug so tightly in her yet to bounce back belly.

It is essential that you bring girls who have different body types to try on the dresses. If even one of your bridesmaids is self conscious in the dress, it will make that girl unhappy the entire day of your wedding. We know it is your special day, but you do want smiling faces in those pictures.

We know that finding a dress that everyone loves is a challenge. Settle on a dress that is simple, can be worn again and is not super expensive. This way, everyone wins.

If you follow the Brideline tips on dresses, we can be sure your friends won't be talking behind you back.

Do you ever wonder why people spend money on professional engagement photos?

We certainly do!

These engagement photos are yet another modern day wedding trend appearing on the scene in recent years. Unlike the rediscovery of peace sign necklaces and neon colored nail polish, this trend seems to be a new frontier. We have all seen Facebook pages laden with black and white photos of a couple skipping through a beautiful park scene or frolicking on a trendy NYC street.

The photographer who suggested taking these photos initially must be the superhero amongst the photography industry. Some genius figured out yet another way to make money off of the bride and groom even before overcharging them for duplicate albums and extra 8 x 10's for their grandparents.

Where do our readers stand on the engagement photo debate?

Are these pictures imperative for the success of the wedding? Are they a waste of time?

We could argue both sides of the equation.

On one hand...having great pictures that are more casual than the ultra posed pictures from the wedding may be nice later in life and black and white photos are great for framing in your home. It is a nice opportunity to get to know your photographer before wedding day madness. It is a good idea to become comfortable in front of the lens pre wedding day and it is important to decide which side of your face holds the light better. Also, its another excuse to make you fiancé do ridiculous things like holding you in the air Dirty Dancing style. Of course he MUST do it because its part of your picture perfect princess wedding!

On the other hand....do your friends really want to start looking through 200 pictures of you before you have even picked a wedding date? Like constant Facebook status updates, is it simply another self indulgent way of trying to get attention? Take the pictures, we cant stop you, but please don't post so many albums on Facebook. One or two pictures is ok. We love you, but seeing a photo of your fiancé pinning you against a wall with a seductive stare freaks us out a bit. Just like one or two pictures of a pregnant belly is ok, but we don't need albums upon albums. Again, a little freaky.

We leave this one up to you. No matter what side of the debate you're on, it is a given that you will come across these photos in the upcoming months.

Whether to invite friends with a plus 1 can become a very uncomfortable situation. As the bride/groom, you are trying to manage costs wherever you can and inviting your single friend with a date usually doesn't take precedent over adding extra dessert (although maybe it should because fyi...no one eats the dessert). There are no set rules when it comes to the plus 1 issue, but there are a variety of situations that should be considered.

If you are a bride/groom on a budget, you may want to make a rule that you are only inviting guests with dates who are married, engaged or you may want to stretch it to people living together. Usually, brides/grooms invite those with dates who have a "serious" significant others. Serious, however, can be as difficult to interpret as Paula Abdul's American Idol comments. We all know those girls who think they have a boyfriend when they really don't. Just because he writes you cute texts doesn't mean he is your boyfriend! If a guy is going to get awkward when you ask him to come to the wedding, you aren't serious and maybe this is your wakeup call to move on.

Some very generous brides invite their whole bridal party with dates or invite many of their single friends with dates. It is necessary to invite a friend with a date when she is the only single friend in a group. Or in the case of a New Years Eve wedding, everyone should have the option to bring a date - this we know from personal experience! We think the best thing to do is to tell your close single friends that if they have someone they want to bring and have been dating, to inform you. This does not mean single girls should go on a man-hunt to find a date and please don't hire a escort. 

All the Single Ladies:
Remember this isn't sorority formal. Dates aren't necessary. Bringing someone (even when he is your serious boyfriend) requires you to be responsible for him and pay attention to him. You cannot run off with your girlfriends when you have a plus 1. Also, when you bring a date, you are blocking yourself from meeting other eligible bachelors.

Personally, we think weddings are fun when you go without a date. You get to spend time with your girlfriends and we all know a bride is happiest when she has all the attention. So, you and your friends can dance in a circle around the bride without having some guy watching over your shoulder.

What's your opinion on the plus 1 issue?

Bridezilla: "A woman who, in the course of planning her wedding, exercises or attempts to exercise an high degree of control over all or many minor details of the ceremony and reception.

*please take this post in good humor. If you get offended easily, maybe you should stop reading...now...*

Based on stories sent in by our readers, we have consolidated some of our favorite bridezilla moments to share. If you have committed any of these bridal misdemeanors, by virtue of this post, you are now forgiven. Time has passed and your friends have decided to remain in your life - phew! We know your brain was invaded by pink flowers and lace dresses and for a one-year period (give or take a few months), but we still love you.

Making your bridesmaids go spray tanning.

Brideliners Say: Most of us know we look better tan and if you have a summer wedding, we will try to be tan for it. Not because you told us to, but because we are as self-absorbed as you are. BUT, if we want to be pale and we like the way we look, that is our decision. Also - caution, some people actually look worse after a spray tan...orange skin with pink dresses will clash.

Making your bridesmaids wear specific jewelry.

Brideliners Say: It can be nice to give your bridesmaids jewelry as a gift for their participation on your wedding day. But if you do so, try to match their individual personalities, or change the styles somewhat. 8 girls in brown dresses, matching shoes, matching earrings and bracelets belong in a 5th grade dance recital - not a beautiful wedding party.
Making a bridesmaid take off her necklace during the formal pictures because you liked hers better than yours.

Brideliners Say: We are going to let this one go and blame it on wedding day jitters. We will do what you ask because its your day, but seriously, calm down. No one can even see a necklace in a picture.




Making your bridesmaids all wear a specific nail polish color.
Brideliners Say: It's understandable if you don't want us wearing Wicked or have chipped nails, but if you are going to request a certain color, you can pay for the manicure. Give us some freedom, please.
Making your bridesmaids match their shoes with their dress
Brideliners Say: The first consideration here is the length of the dress. If your dress is short, we might be sympathetic to your request. But please do not make these shoes costly, uncomfortable and ones we won't ever wear again. If the dress is long and no one sees the shoes, what is the difference? More specifically, enough with the dyeable shoes - that was so 1985.


Making your friends view hundreds of dresses on the Internet
Brideliners Say: Do not put your bridesmaids through the task of looking at every dress you like on the Internet. If you torture yourself by looking at pictures daily (which you probably do), don't IM or email your friends with every picture. Bring some friends to an actual store to try the dress on and then send the final decision to those bridesmaids in other cities. Most of us just want to be told what dress to order.
Making a weekend out of every event

Brideliners Say: It's not your "engagement party weekend" or your "shower weekend" or your "bridesmaid dress shopping weekend." Don't expect your friends to come to town for an entire weekend and attend a big dinner the night before your shower. Leave this for family and celebrate with your friends the day of. While you have forgotten that you have a life during the bridal parade, your friends have other things to do with their time.

Making your bridesmaids wear a certain hair style
Brideliners Say: Allow your bridesmaids to live freely and feel pretty as they are also standing up in front of all your guests. Don't require up-dos, half up, hair off face, etc. Not only is this very controlling, but it may accent someone's big ears, especially if you make all your friends wear the same matching earrings.

Having multiple engagement parties

Brideliners Say: We love parties, but this becomes a nuisance. We know so many people do this, because the couple throws a party and the parents throw a party, but we are going to buy you an engagement gift regardless, so one party is enough. Also, please do not have an engagement party closer to the wedding date than your engagement date. Now you are just taking advantage of us.
Making your bridesmaids wear a train.
Brideliners Say: Only the bride should be bustling her dress on her wedding day. This is costly, a hassle and hard to dance in. And just plain ridiculous.

Thank you for sending in your bridezilla stories. Continue to vent in the comment section! Don't forget to forward Bridelines posts to all bridesmaids and bridezillas in your life.
If you're a bride-to-be, please consider our Brideliner requests, after all, happy bridesmaids make a happy bride.